A day in the life of...

I dropped my son at nursery at 9am this morning. 

Since then I have:

·         Done the grocery shopping

·         Cleaned my son’s room – recycling the old pictures, sneaking broken toys into the bin, matched bits of toys together and reorganised his cars

·         Vacuumed the whole house

·         Emptied the washing machine

·         Put on more washing

·         Hung up wet laundry and put away dry laundry

·         Ironed a load of dry laundry

·         Emptied the dishwasher

·         Sorted the recycling - including hiding anything my son may still think he wants

·         Filled the dishwasher

·         Matched toys up downstairs and put them in the right place

·         Cleaned kitchen surfaces

·         Replaced loo rolls

·         Changed bathroom towels

·         Organised a bag for charity

·         Sorted through a load of old receipts that were lying around

·         Cleaned jam out the hall carpet

It’s now 12:15pm and lunchtime.  I have time for lunch and to clean the bathroom before I’m off again to get to the nursery early to go through my son’s ‘learning journey’ to check how both he and the nursery are doing.

I often wonder whether teaching teenagers what is involved in being a parent of a young child might make them realise it’s not all fun.  Would adverts highlighting the reality of parenting help the teenage pregnancy rate?

On the plus side, it is all good exercise!

Girls to be homemakers? - What a scandal!

I let out a groan the other morning in bed after reading an article on the BBC website on my phone.  Apparently it is shocking that schoolgirls in the year 2012 are still being given the impression that later in life they will become homemakers. This, according to the article, is a scandal that should be rectified with immediate effect.

From my own experience, I went to a girls school in the late 80’s/early 90’s and sadly was not given career guidance on being a homemaker.  Instead, we were told that we would follow an academic route to University and beyond.  We were lead to believe that our options were unlimited, that the glass ceiling was being smashed ahead of us.  Being a mum was never mentioned.   

That was all well and good in my 20’s.  I was inspired and had ambition.  Now, though, I frequently feel unprepared for this stage in my life where I have a child.  My career is now constrained by my son’s need for a stay-at-home-parent and soon, school run times.

I wish someone had pointed out, all those years ago, that I should think about planning my career path to fit in a few years of freelance or flexible hours.  Being the same age, Husband was not given this kind of career advice at school either. 

I was disappointed that the BBC article is still calling for girls to disregard the importance of being a parent.  The call should instead be for more career guidance for both sexes on how to manage the inevitable scrum for a work/parenting balance.  Surely it is time for boys also to be taught that being a parent can be a tough job.  They should be given career advice that includes not expecting your future wife/partner to stay at home with the kids.  Until boys start to think about sharing parenting and taking on the tough role of ‘homemaker’ when they grow up, women will inevitably be the ones to fill the role.

The Curse of the Faraway Tree

Well, tonight we read another chapter of the Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton.  Once my son was in bed and snuggling down, he announced that he'd actually like to change his mind on Christmas.  He told me he'd need to write a new letter to Santa asking (instead of more wooden railway, trains, etc.) for some spells, a brush (if the spell came in a can, like in the book) and also for a car.  

Naturally, I asked about the car.  The response?  Well, he'd apparently use his new spells to make me really small, then, of course, he'd need to have a car to drive himself to the supermarket.  He felt confident that he'd manage just fine at the supermarket.  He did check that I'd give him the list first though.  As far as driving was concerned, I would also need to tell him which roads to go on.  Oh yes, I'd be taken along too.  In his pocket.  Apart from in the supermarket, where apparently he'd delight in putting me in a trolley and pushing me around.

I'm not sure if this tells me something about how he feels about being a small child and his impatience to grow up.  Or, if he's just gonna have some interesting dreams tonight.

Social Grandparents

I recently had a birthday.  Not a big one, nothing too special, but I think the last time husband and I properly went out for dinner (and by ‘properly’ I mean I actually wore a dress and heels) was for my birthday last year.

This year, I guess I had hopes that we might make it out again.  However, what I forgot is these days, grandparents are busy people.  Both sets of available grandparents had parties to go to on the Saturday night and then needed Sunday to recover and Sunday night to get to sleep early for work on Monday.

Something doesn’t feel right about this.  I’m in my thirties and have zero social life.  Any time I want to go out I have to book in a date about a month in advance to fit in with the oldies’ packed social calendar.  Some are so busy working, socialising and having fun that they are never around.  This is a problem that is rife these days.  I have friends who are desperate to go out as a couple but only get to do so on Wednesday evenings or in an afternoon as the grandparents are far too busy Friday and Saturday nights. 

I seem to recall my grandparents being retired.  They did the garden, read the paper and if they went out, it was to meet friends in town for a cup of tea, or a doctor’s appointment.  They were dependably ‘in’ at all times.  In fact, I seem to remember my Mum being in a bit of a tizz if the phone wasn’t answered.  No answer meant they couldn’t hear it from the garden or, if it was raining, they were clearly lying on the floor half dead.

Of course, I am pleased that the grandparents are getting out and enjoying life, especially now they are free of their own children.  I look forward to that part of my life.  But, I wouldn’t mind being out after dark on a Saturday again sometime this year.

A Mother's Work Meme

Still getting used to all this stuff, but going to have a go at this anyway as it is a cause I believe in.....

A Mother’s Work Meme
Rules:
Please post the rules
Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you
Leave a comment on mother.wife.me so we can keep track of the meme
Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog (gonna ignore this bit, as not sure I know 3 to tag, or how!)
Let them know you tagged them
Tweet loudly about taking part (well ok, that isn’t a rule, but how about if we start a hashtag – #amothersworkmeme)

Questions:
1.  Did you work before becoming a mum?
Yes, I did.  However, I took a step down before getting pregnant as I took a brave move to relocate to be with my now husband, with the hope that marriage and children would follow.  When I got pregnant I was contracting, so maternity leave was not something I had to deal with. 

2.  What is your current situation?
I am at home with my toddler at the moment.  I spent the first two years with him and then last year I went back to work while husband became a SAHD.  We have swapped again and now I am looking to do some work that will fit around bringing up the little one.  We both want one of us there for him over the next few years and working around school hours was not something we thought of when planning a career! Money is not easy though and nor is being at home doing the housework.

3.  Freestyle – got your own point you’d like to get across on this issue? Here’s your chance…
Rant 1: So Too much of being a SAHM is about housework, which is tedious - especially without a dishwasher! I would be happy to stay at home and do mummy things, if I could have a maid to do all the food planning, shopping, cleaning and cooking.  I often feel like SAHM is actually a misnomer as the 'Mum' part is just a part, and some days not a big one, of what you have to do as the parent at home.  I prefer 'Director of Home Affairs'....just wish the salary matched the title.

Rant 2: Society seems to have changed so much that there are so few SAHPs ('Parents' so as not to disrespect my dear husband) around these days.  So, actually, being in an office provides adult conversation, a chance to complain about kids, childcare, sleepless nights, etc. in a way that being at home doesn't. 

Rant 3: When did parenting your child/ren become a luxury?  We struggle on one income so we can steer, educate and give our child some manners and morals that we believe in.  I think kids should be kids for a while when they are young and institutions are for when they're older. 

Rant 4: I wish that flexible working opportunities were better, but understand why.  I wish that kids were taught more about being parents at school in relation to careers so I didn't get to this age and feel a bit miffed that no one thought to point all this out.

OMG, I have nothing to wear!

Well, that's a phrase rarely used by me these days.  As a SAHM, there is a plentiful supply of tatty t-shirts, jeans and trainers.  Of course, this is one of the most sensible uniforms for chasing after a toddler, but it does become a uniform that's hard to shed.

This post was inspired jointly by a conversation this weekend about the change in weather causing clothing dilemmas and wife.mother.me's post on losing her fashionable ways as a by-product of living on one primary income.  I often see women who seem so put together walking around with their children.  Sometimes this brings out envy in me and other times I wonder why they do it.  I know that for me, trainers are the most sensible footwear for legging it after my little one before he gets inside the lift by himself, or for pushing a pushchair up a big hill.  As much as heels make me feel more feminine, I can't sacrifice comfort in this way.  My curiosity also extends to the discipline of their children - what are they up to while these women straighten their hair or pour themselves into tiny jeans? - and where do I get one of these patient kids?

This weekend I came to the conclusion that these are women who probably knew how to put an outfit together before they had children.  The realisation for me was that I have never had enough interest in clothes and my appearance to be able to perform miracles in the precious few minutes I have in the morning.  I could blame the grunge era for allowing me to be super lazy and wear comfy clothes during my formative fashion years.  The students of today are smarter than I was working in a London office.  I think I am still looking for a job where I could get away with wearing these every day.

My big realisation on Saturday was that I don't really care about fashion  I don't even care what I look like that much....especially when I'm happy.  This came to me clearly when thinking about the following image in the mirror:

• Hair in ponytail
• Old t-shirt - fits, but slightly out of shape
• Jeans with obvious faded knees 
• Battered trainers

Imagine this is you in the mirror.  Imagine the sun is shining and you have just been in the garden playing with your toddler, rolling on the grass and laughing your head off.  This outfit fits.  Maybe you can imagine yourself smiling after having a fun time in your practical clothes.

Now, imagine you are going out for a rare evening - just you and your husband/partner.  What sort of face are you pulling now?  What does your significant other think?  Does he care what you're wearing, or just looking forward to the chance to spend some time with you?  Are you more worried about how other people will judge you?  Whoever coined 'Yummy Mummy' doesn't know the pressure they have added to our already tough lives (I also doubt they have children themselves!).

It is only Wednesday but the last four days I have tried my best to change my thinking about my lack of new boots, jeans that fit, overdue haircut, and stop it impacting on my day's mood.  Try and ask yourself about where fashion fits in your priorities: Do I care? Does my little one care?  Does Husband care?  Am I just worried about others caring? Would new boots really make me happy or would I just love more time by myself to be 'me'?

TFI Friday

Yesterday I cut one of my fingers.  Nothing serious, just annoying as on a knuckle and, as every Mum knows, you have to wash your hands upteen times a day, followed often by washing another pair of hands.  Therefore, have been protecting it with a plaster most of the day as not healing quickly.  The little one has been a bit of pain this afternoon so I wasn't in the best of moods around 5:30pm when the pan I was holding pushed against aforementioned sore finger causing me to yelp and spill hot rice over the floor.  At this point, the little one swings between 'I'm hungry' and 'You have to clear that up, Mummy'.  I decided to leave the mess and feed us both.  However, after eating, I went back to the kitchen to clean the floor up. 

Sounds easy.  But, remember, this isn't any afternoon, this is a bad Friday afternoon.....so, in short I manage to get a bit of skirting board stuck down the nail of the finger next to the one with the now wet, soggy, flash-wipe covered plaster.  Blood.  Upset toddler.  Frantic searching for tweezers.  Did I mention pain?  Found tweezers - no time to sterilise! - found nail scissors to (using left hand!) cut nail to get to the splinter easier.  Excellent, you think, amputation avoided.....'Mummy, pipi's coming!'.  Put down scissors, tweezers, hold finger above heart, help toddler to complete peeing whilst hiding bleeding finger....and so on in a farcical manner until splinter removed (hopefully all of it!) and antiseptic applied. 

Kitchen left untouched for Hubby to enjoy on his return after a long day at work and 90 mins commute. 

The evening continued with me counting the minutes until 'tidy up time'.  Bathtime brought its own fun with having to extract wet, slippy toddler from the bath as another urgent toilet matter was about to occur.  As he sat there, dripping bath water, his head covered in shampoo,  I did have to laugh. 

Middle names

Well, the little one has started a fascination with middle names.  Most of the family I'm sorted with and can repeat on demand.  However, I got caught out yesterday with the question 'What's Chicken Licken's middle name?'.  That one got me.  We managed to get through the conversation somehow.

Got me thinking though......

Reward Charts for Parents

Well, the reward chart is working well here - just one plain sticker and a promise of some kind of treat when a collection of stickers is completed.  You get the picture.  Got me thinking though - maybe I should get me one too.  What about if I got a sticker every time I chose calm over shouting?  Or, every time I successfully got to the end of a chain of 'why' questions without hissing 'Because Mummy said so!' through gritted teeth?

Mind you, am thinking that from a child's point of view, it might be more like a sticker for every time the parent got through 30 mins continuous play without trying to weasel out of it or checking phone/email.  Or, perhaps a sticker for every meal actually delivered on time.

Thoughts?